Showing posts with label Diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diary. Show all posts

25/02/2013

(转)生命大发的意义

看了一篇好文章。深深体会到老师说的“经验写出来的文章才是最感动最有启发性的”。尤其是现在的我知道,不幸得白血病的人是多么地痛苦无助。珍惜生命,珍惜现今,珍惜爱你的人。
 

生命大发的意义

2013年02月24日 19:36:16    (转自人人网 )
 

文 几米


1993年底,我还在广告公司上班。那一年,我在工作上遇到前所未有的低潮。一个寒冷的冬夜,我迷迷煳煳的走进一家位于地下室的命相馆,我还清楚记得,那个纹着两道浓黑夸张柳叶眉毛、声音粗嗄的女相士,用几乎是命令式的口吻,叫我从眼前一个盛着米粒的小圆盒中,随意捏出几粒米来。她用艳红的指甲拨动米粒,又随手画了一些符号,然后面无表情的说:“你不要再寄人篱下了,要自己创业。1995年将会大发,独当一面,不费吹灰之力,财源滚滚,从此平步青云走上人生高峰!”

这些话让我心甘情愿的付钱,快乐的走出命相馆,觉得人生一片光明。

隔年我结束长达十二年的广告生涯,作一个全职的插画工作者,没天没夜的画图。日子简单平静而美好,但是我实在想不透,这样的工作,这样的收入,凭什么会大发。

我幻想着美好的未来,心中一直默默期待1995年快点到来。

95年才刚过完农历新年,二月下旬,我在睡梦中被左大腿的剧烈抽痛所惊醒。叁天后大腿失去知觉,一开始我仍天真的以为,只是一时不小心的撞伤或者肌肉拉伤,医生找不出疼痛的原因,治疗无效,我也不以为意。一边四处求医,一边画画。疼痛持续加烈,而我日渐衰弱。在一个初夏的午后,我几乎昏倒在求诊的街头,太太扶着苍白衰弱的我,直奔荣总急诊。

第二天,在母亲节的前夕,主治大夫面色凝重的暗示我得了急性骨髓性白血病,也就是血癌。我就像八点档连续剧中遭逢天人惨剧的主角,放肆的大哭大闹,一直哭到昏昏沉沉的睡着了。再醒来时,病床外的花篮已堆得满满的,甚至有些已经开始枯萎了。

我没有任何选择的开始接受化疗,结果就像电影里的情节一样,悲惨极了。呕吐,发烧,昏迷,疼痛……在医院住了六个月,我整个人完全变形,浮肿的大脸,光秃秃的头顶,惊恐无神的双眼,永远戴着口罩,连站都站不稳。我精疲力竭的与死神搏斗,日日流下无助的眼泪。离开医院的那天,还是个狂风暴雨的台风天,我没有惊动任何人,只想快速逃离医院,心里暗暗发誓,永远永远不要再回到这个地方!

1995年,我什么事也没有做成,躺在医院的单人房,与世界隔离,谢绝访客,流泪度日,每天有一大堆医生护士服侍,不断输入别人的血红素,血小板。日日期待自己的白血球能够争气一些。

我常常回想,生命里这一段惊心动魄的转折,到底要对我的人生作何提醒。我是那样一个冥顽不灵的笨蛋,躺在医院里,吞咽困难的时候,还满脑袋在回味美食的滋味,心里盘算着离开医院以后,要立刻去吃遍各大美食名店。生命的变化太快,太残酷,来不及准备,也无法预料。所有的美好都在当下。而所有的变化也变得美好。

我感念那一段饱受折磨的伤痛时光,让我变得感性而敏锐,许多平凡的小事变得重要,而许多非凡的大事又变得无足轻重。

回想女相士当年的铁口直断,她说我日后会独当一面,没错。疾病的伤痛是无人可以替代的。说我会不费吹灰之力,财源滚滚,没错。我只是躺在床上,保险公司就自动送来百万巨款的理赔金。说我会平步青云,步上人生高峰,没错。我像皇帝般的受到被美丽的妻子,仁慈的护士和医术高明的医生二十四小时全心全意的呵护。

我终于明白那一年生命大发的意义了。

你正在过什么样的季节?春、夏、秋、冬?心情冷暖又是由谁决定的?上帝?自己?还是路人甲?

我在寒冬里,梦见走进春天的花园……

醒来时,香气满身。

04/10/2012

~

Saw this quote in The Piano Guys' video and I like it!
They are awesome.

 DON'T ONLY PRACTISE YOUR ART,
BUT FORCE YOUR WAY INTO ITS SECRETs,
FOR IT AND KNOWLEDGE CAN
RAISE MAN TO THE DIVINE.
 
 Ludwig van Beethoven

01/06/2012

You'll learn to be grateful after living here


Countdown of "The Most Unwanted Things I Wish It'll Never Happen" ....urgh...."again" since it already happened on me last year.

For those who often complain to me how sick to eat the same food everyday; how you wish you could live away from your family to gain freedom; how bad it is without tv, computer, movies; I can tell you how lucky it is for you to have clean food, how I wish i can stay in my home and of course I would want to have entertainment but sometimes we just can't and thats doesn't matter.

Last year have been very educating. I've learned to be grateful for everything I had before that and I'm sure if you were given the same condition as these you'll feel the same way as me.

Number 3:

The sudden presence of huge living things, including moths even larger than my hand, sickly huge spider with long legs which runs extremely fast, and cats that suddenly found lying in your bedroom.
Yes, I live in a jungle, not forest.


I don't have photos of the spider as it appeared Running to me when I was taking bath! My housemates saw it when they were in the bathroom too.


Number 2:

 You might want to open your eyes when you are eating. You wouldn't want to try on "fried flies" or any special exoskeletons. Once my housemate saw maggots underneath her chicken skin.



Number 1:

The colour of our water may not necessarily be colourless. It comes with distinct colours and sometimes  accompanied with smells. This is voted "the most unbearable" by my housemates as we have to use water  to take bath, wash clothes, cook dinner. We truly realised the importance of water!

Every colour below comes in seperate days.


Brown-black---

The most extreme, happened when water came after water ration,
bringing rust that sediments the tank. Surely can not be used.





Smell of metal.


Our bathroom we wash every week, but when dirty water came,
it stained our cleaned floor.

Yellow ---














Pale Green ---

With strong smell of chlorine ?!















The End




Although the unwanted things happened, life can be modified to become better by bringing in things we like. Thanks to my lovely lavender and daisy who accompanied me through this year!







23/11/2011

Super CUTE Kindergarten Graduation Ceremony + Concert!

Last Sunday, I came back home from college to attend my little brother's kindergarten graduation ceremony. It was held at New Era College's hall, Kajang. At first he told me he was going to dance "Lollipop", i thought it was the classic Chordette's cheerful version, but it turned out not (I would prefer the old one that sounds so happy!). 

He received the "scroll" so he is now graduated and next year will be starting primary. That day was also Apple King Kindergarten's concert day. The cute ones performed on the huge grand stage of the college. Every class have their theme song and the whole event was really entertaining. 

Going to stage for the "scroll"  (he said)

Taking photo with classmate and class teacher

 There were twelve classes altogether. Some performed Pop songs, Mandarin songs, Indian dances, Hand movement, Malay songs and even Korean songs. They put their effort very much in these performances. The decorations of stage, background, costumes and the performances are great indeed!
The children can dance so well!!! (i'm ashamed i couldn't dance half as well as them ^@^)

The potential MJ. Nice pose

Malay Song "Aci-aci buka pintu", like a musical.
A prince, a princess, a dozen of ghost with moon, clock and tree.

The song and dance was very attractive,
but...
i kind of pity the pretty girl who portrayed tree...

 And there was a cute guy who stole my heart! His name is...
Derek, my brother's friend. He danced the  Puppet Dance.
He even wore a Cute Fluffy Hat!! 

 It turned out my brother's dance isn't the classic Lollipop, its a korean song.
Well, he danced "hip-hop"-ingly? He looked Cool, which is not my style, i prefer cute.

One of the cool pose

Looks like, "I'm figuring sth", more than "I'm cool"

This is a nice one!
 Nothing unusual until....
HE HOISTED A GIRL UP with another boy.
But i just keep LAUGHING because
he didn't mention a word about THAT! 

18/11/2011

Euphoria

Euphoria ~ a emotional condition in which a person experiences intense feeling
 of well-being, elation, happiness, excitement and joy.  ~ Wikipedia.com


For me, AS is over though i still have to sit for two papers next week. Paper 1, multiple choice questions. My preparation is done. I could not do more. A strong feeling of anticipation for holiday surges. Before i fight for next half year, i must relax my mind for a while.

Some of this feeling is because of my contentment. This is an exam i take with confidence and satisfied with my answers afterwards.

And of course i'm going home. :)


Euphoria

30/10/2011

Missing Teeth!

Little brother with two teeth missing!





One day before....
  




Took this pic in a restaurant
Just took off a tooth from clinic


Then.... Something unexpected happened,
He saw "ANGRY BIRD" application in my phone!




Immediately, I removed the game.
He was absolutely furious
and....














HE BITES ME!




My poor arm :(
LOOK carefully,
with a missing tooth space as evidence! 

The culprit close up


He still amiable when he doesn't bite people :)

02/10/2011

My AS trial exam is just over. This time in next month, i'll be siting Real AS exam. Additional classes on Saturdays means that i don't have time to do other things except revising.

Suddenly i realized i had missed to see many things and absent from any form of entertainment. Now, i became a stranger to Anna; Blackie has grown up so much; and Tron seems attempted to attack me. The most significant one is, i had deleted my Facebook account last week.

At least i enjoyed having to know funny moments from my young brother. He had developed strong interest in Biology *shocked*. He sometimes read my books and ask me to explain about the diagrams inside. I told him something about red blood cells, white blood cells, T cell and B cell and their roles to him. I did not expect him to remember what i said but after sometime when i asked, he managed to answer *happy*.
He also correctly point out the positions of, thymus, adenoid, spleen, tonsil and bone marrow!

My little brother, still studying in kindergarten told my parents he wants to become a doctor. Maybe if i read some Physics reference, he might choose to become an engineer? Despite his "impression" to me that he is quite talented, his young creative mind entertain us well. The story is like this: One day my mum was sneezing continuously, my brother, "who now relates everything to bacteria and virus", said to my sister:  "The bacteria is teasing ( 'kucit-kucit' he said) my mum's nose" in a serious tone. He made us laugh quite some time. ^-^


18/08/2011

This means that i should start studying NOW

My mid-sem exam in KTT ended. It turned out not as expected. All thanks to Maths, out of expectation.
 I never feel this disappointed with myself before. Yeah, maybe i thought i would be the same, or even easier than Taylor's sem exam. I know what i'll get. Well, i've prepared to be scolded , humiliated?
It's okay. That means i should start studying everyday as if exam is tommorow.
I don't know why, i did badly, i was confident, i am confident.

Lesson leant: Today onwards, i should study intensively.

24/07/2011

Survival Diaries

I'm struggling to find a way to keep myself sane throughout the whole year. Those who knows me very well knew i study in front of, either computer, tv or listen to music. But now,I'm living, eating, walking among everyone who study very hard at all the time. And i figured out  the ways to improve life here are:
  • More clubs and society - there are only clubs according to religion and races, well, there should be clubs based on same interest, or charity clubs, like LEO.
  • More books in the library - reference books, and should have some novels too!
  • Increse cafe and restaurants - as they are only the limited "two" cafes here. If our breaktime after 12pm, there would be definitely no food left.
  • Repair and maintenance - like ceiling, computer, wifi
  • Build more toilets - essential needs
  • Larger science labs - u would probably knock down somebody while carrying the chemicals
  • Reasonable lab apparatus price - a burette cost RM65, a test tube cost RM 4.5, imagine the others
Yeah that would make a big difference here. We need to Change.
My messy table

My timetable
My only entertainment here: This week Indian Cultural Society held an event of drawing hand, inai for charity. So i get my hand painted too on Tuesday, until now the painting still haven't fade! Usually inai is only for indian bride during their wedding, and some close relatives, like nieces will paint their hand too. But, i want to try, n it looks nice :) .

This is the result:


Inai, just painted

After its dry, and the first layer of paint is removed

08/07/2011

A Promise

It is quite hard for me to adapt to a whole new environment here.

Yes, i'm from Selangor, not students from other states;
Yes, i've been studied in college before this;
Yes, i've 'nearly' finished studying AS syllables;
Yes, i can go back home every week if i want;
Yes, i'm considered the 'lucky one' and shouldn't be writing this post, shouldn't be complaining or even try to say a bad word;

but yet, this isn't showing that i'm ungrateful.
I thanked for everything i've got right now.

I hope some of you can think on my side:

A sudden change
Everything's different from what i've learnt.

From the bottom of my heart, i felt sad,
even a bit now,

BUT this post isn't really about complaining.

I'm writing this to make a deal with myself,
I'll accept what fate'd set for me.
I promise to forget all the sadness and do my very very best!
Achieve what needs to be achieved.
Because it's my own choice,
i'm responsible for my life &

You will be my witness.

scold me if i complain again,
Thank you for listening to me.

03/07/2011

First Week in KTT

The first week in KTT is the orientation week. Most of the students there are JPA or MARA scholarship holders. Among the scholars, most of the of students will going to India to study medicine or dentistry after finishing A-levels. Followed by students bounded to Czech and Poland. Well, there are only 25 of us will be going to RCMP.

The first week is hectic and tiring. Our schedule is fully packed by orientations, telematch, treasure hunt, performance training and more. We only knew every group will be performing in the closing ceremony on Friday by short notice. So we only have a few days to practice it. To be exact, it was only three days.

Luckily, my group members are great (G6!) . We were given to perform a choral speaking with the title KTT. Our group leader, Estella is a very experienced choral speaking member. She leaded us throughout the trainings and the most important thing, she arranged our script. And also having very active and helpful facilitators, and Geraldine, the princess of KTT.



Almost forget to mention, our group, G6 got the best group overall!


1st in treasure hunt, which i didnt take part,


2nd in performance and


3rd in telematch, which i took part and lose, sorry!

I met a few former Taylor's students there too, Parvin and Michelle Chuah (one of Miss Bee's PM4 daughter). Of course..... I miss you guys!!! PM3 and Michelle Lee!! Oh... How i wish we can still be having fun together.

I'll upload the photos on this Saturday! ; )

24/06/2011

These 2 days

The day before yesterday, i went back to my hometown, Ipoh. I visited my grandparents, and get many questions about the scholarship i get, the college i will be enroll to and they were excited because I will be study in a university in Ipoh (that means, they are going to see me oftenly).

I wondered how is the Uni KL Royal College of Medicine Perak that JPA offered looks like, so i went there yesterday. Well, i'm satisfied. The building looks nice and quite well-equiped. The uni compound is quite big and look exactly like what i saw online. It is located just beside the Ipoh General Hospital. And currently, a ten floored hostel for students is under construction and estimated to be finished next year. I'm looking forward to study there, haha.



uni Kl RCMP (from perakmed.edu.my )

The Gallery (from harisrahman.com )

In the first day, I received a few messages saying that the Sem 1 exam results were out!!! The moment i checked my portal, i was very dissapointed because I CAN'T SEE MY RESULTS!!! Oh my, they swept me out of their system... Until... today, actually just now, only i know my results. My mum called the programme office and asked. Wow, that was scary!!! The first to know hows my standard was my mum, my heart throbbed. Phew, luckily i'm quite satisfied with it. Well. I was quite worried if my teachers did not mark my papers. Everything solved.

My new college starts on next Monday. My holiday gets near to its end. Long way to go, I'm coming, Ipoh!

14/06/2011

Oil Pastel

It had been more than three years i've never draw anything (Except if biology diagrams count). 

I like art. When i was young i really thought of becoming a painter, not as famous as Van Gogh but someone who can draw beautiful pictures. Yeah its true, i really thought of this. Then, when i knew that painters usually had a tough life and only become popular after they've died (such a tragedy), i thought of, maybe i can be a cool street artist who carries their paints and tent to walk around the world.

But as i grew, reality hits me. My little fantasy evaporated. 

I like too many things, handcrafts, biology, novels etc. And i knew all this can only become my hobbies, which i don't have time to do very often. So before holiday, i wanted to draw something, to remind me of my old dream *laughing*, and enjoy using my very-very-ancient oil pastel on the bottom of my shelf.


Landscape painted three years ago
still keeping in my sketchbook.

A ballerina

Cows and their reflections 
I'm not an expert, my paintings are not very nice but i enjoyed. :)

11/06/2011

On my last day in TCSJ

Today is my last day in TCSJ. I finished my Sem 1 exam with Biology. Quite ok, a fairly good ending for the exam, at least i wont feel too bad a whole day.

After the exam, me and my classmates have lunch together. Too bad they ask ME to choose a place, i was undecided to choose which restaurant to go everyday, still they ask me to choose a place? yup, at last, we agreed to the only suggestion-- the chicken rice shop. Halfway eating, suddenly, the Bear came out, which she thought it would be a surprise (but actually a shock) to us. Its nice to see her there, i'm so touched (but i wont cry in front of people! too bad you can't see me cry! haha) ! We took pictures together, keep smiling till my face almost paralyze.

And then, wow! Brandon made a choc cake, which taste very very nice, looks good too! Guess he might become a chef or develop a brand someday ( "Brand - on" confectionery?) Dear Michelle also bought a slice of cake for me, its green tea! I haven't try yet but sure will be nice too! And your colourful little notes, i'll keep it! I wonder why you guys gave me cakes? Because i look like i like cakes a lot? But yup, haha, i really like cakes, thanks to both of you! Piglet Kelly and Xinying, thanks for your goodbye note! Its memorable and i'll keep it safe and sound. Thanks to my dear housemates, Jiapeng and Yingying who gave me a keychain and chocolate. (Do i really look like i like sweet things? *laughing*)

Next, thanks to Sonia, Sidhesh, Kelly Lee, Hui Yi, Patrick, Daniel, Eu Jian and Choong Heng, for spending time to accompany me even though you all can go home or shopping or whatever places to have a nap or relax! Thanks to all my classmates for your wishes and i hope you all will do well in your studies later!

I will be back to visit you all if i have free time. Well, i'm not dying, just that i won't be hanging around in the class everyday. Do keep in touch on FB!
Love, 
Kelly.

21/05/2011

Handmade Cards Selling Event for Charity in TCSJ

This is the first event i organise in Taylor's College Subang Jaya and it is also the last one. I'll be leaving this college soon, so this event is memorable and valueble to me. I want to organise this event to raise fund for charity under Leo Club of TCSJ. The profit earned will all be given to drug rehabilitation centre and home for disabled. When i first heard of the teacher's suggestion of event involving selling cards, i was very interested with her idea, and voluntarily took this event because i enjoy making cards so much. So this is how it is started.


Handmade banner for handmade cards sales at booth

With the support of another Kelly ( which form a Kelly "square" team ourselves), Kelly Lee, we got this event and made ourselves the organizing chairpersons. Before selling the cards, we have to write a proposal regarding the event and sent to the Student Development Center to get approval first. In the proposal, we have to give an estimated profit for the event. And i said: "RM500". Some would think that its quite a large sum, and unreachable by only selling cards but because of this, Kellys' team swore to meet the target to show everyone that we can do it!




Birthday wishes/Thank you/ anything message you like! (made by myself)

Our teacher adviser, who also suggested this event, supplied over 100 handmade cards, made by her relative from Australia for the sales. It is sort of like a donation in the form of cards for the event as there are no expenses for it. She also provided her coloured papers for me to make cards for the sales. At first it was quite slow, i only managed to make about 2 or 3 cards in 5 hours. Later on, with lots of practice, 3 hours 10 cards.
Multipurpose mini cards (made by myself)

Kennel (made by myself)


Mothers' Day card (made by myself)
"Show Your Love" cards (made by myself)
We sold the cards personally to the students through distribution to Leo members throughout April and May. To speed up the sales, we booked a booth beside the front gate of TC. On 11th to 13th of May 2011, with all the posters, cards and preparations ready, we set up the booth and promoted the cards to the students who visit the booth. I was trilled by the good response. In such a short period, we managed to earn about RM300.







Cards, posters and preparations for the booth sales

Sonia promoting cards
( hi, do you want to buy some cards? one for RM3.50, three for RM10, these are RM5 each)


Our booth, cards supplied by teacher (left), cards made by me (right)

Day 1, everybody smile!
(From left: Wen Jie, Jih Dar, Sidhesh, "Kelly Lee, Kelly Wong", Sonia)


Me, busy making cards


Making Cards at booth (Limited stock!)

Our booth Day 3

The students choosing cards with Sidhesh and Sonia

In these one and a half months, we earned around RM 600 for charity (we reached our target! ). Although some may think it is a small amount but for all of us who put our effort in the event, we are proud of it. (p/s: I break my record, i've made 71 cards or More?)

Thanks to Kelly, Sidhesh, Sonia and other Leo members that helped. I will remember our great time promoting and selling cards together. ( hi, do you want to buy some cards? one for RM3.50, three for RM10, these are RM5 each)






16/04/2011

如果不爱它,就请不要养它!

这不是一两天的事了,之前他们怎么对它都好,
只是,总要有个限制吧?

我隔壁家养两只狗,都是rockweiler。
一只年纪比较大,用铁链绑在铁门,任由它饱受日晒雨淋。
另一只则困在笼子里,大小解都在笼内解决,我从未见它被放出来。

他们给狗们吃的也够刻薄。
狗吃的,是他们家吃剩的咖喱加饭!

他家有四五个小男孩,成天把大狗当马骑。 他们重重地压在它身上,看了都心疼。
小孩这样也就算了,可是听爸说,他们已成人地大哥,无聊时也这样逗它玩!
问题是,他哥多少公斤呀? 依我看,至少80 吧?可能上90 了!
这样做还不算虐畜?
可恨没证据,不然早就被告上去了!


这倒还好,最近大狗脚上有伤,他们爸为了不要让“细菌滋生”,
不带它去兽医,居然在它伤上加杀虫剂!!!
虽然我们家没人亲眼看见,当时只闻到作呕的杀虫剂味,以为是杀虫用的。
可我们看到大狗时,它把脚提起,脚上有白白的杀虫剂,还滴着呢!
天啊!世上居然有这种人!
伤会痛不说,杀虫剂有毒呀!狗儿一定会舔呀!
那不就毒死它了吗!

最近听对面的阿姨们说,他们那群顽劣的小孩,
无聊时用铁钩钩在野狗的身上,而且不止一只!
日子久了,伤口溃烂,越来越大,有几只因此而死。

这些残忍又没丝毫爱心的人,为什么要学人养狗呢?
既然养了,就不要那样对它!
任它在外自生自灭,也比被他们养来得好!

昨天看大狗,瘦得只见骨了,成天躺在地上,
欲哭无泪。我不养它,看了也心酸。
可恨它有这样的主人。可悲。

20/02/2011

我遇到模特儿!!!

今天居然给我遇到美得不得了的模特儿。 实在不是寻常的际遇,让我遇见他。
漂亮的肤色,魅力无比的五官轮廓,让人一见倾心,再见倾城。
噢!他是很多杂志指名要用的模特儿。以下是他的一些照片:

我在哪儿遇见他呢? 就是在Puchong的一间宠物店。
我赶紧咔嚓咔嚓,拍了几张美照。兴奋指数破表!
想知道“他”是谁,就要往下看咯!请别转台!
他的真狗比照片漂亮哦!
睡觉时的英姿~

注意:他很壮!看!身长1.5包狗粮!

他的可爱儿子

看他样就想笑!好想抱他回家!

美美~

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